


To Give of Myself

by tomfoolery14



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, M/M, Magic, Romantic Fluff, just a whooooole lot of malec loving each other a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 08:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18426582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomfoolery14/pseuds/tomfoolery14
Summary: Magnus gifts Alec a very special object, and Alec has to make a choice.





	To Give of Myself

**Author's Note:**

> not really sure what this is or it's coherent at all, i just really desperately need some fluff in my life you know?

Alec glanced anxiously at his watch for the hundredth time it seemed, feeling a wave of apprehensive chills cresting under his skin. He had been dutifully holding vigil above Magnus’ still body that was laid out on the floor, arms crossed over his chest. A ring of black candles encircled him and protected his spirit as it roamed the astral plane.

It would have been a lie for Alec to say he hadn’t had reservations when Magnus had said he would need to go to collect an ingredient for an important potion he was working on; there was nothing safe or familiar about the concept, particularly in regards to a living being. The psychopomps alone were reason enough for Alec to feel it wasn’t worth the gamble, suggesting that Magnus simply summon a demon to collect it for him, but his concern had been waved off, albeit kindly. Magnus’ only request of Alec was to watch over his body while he departed it, and he couldn’t refuse. His instructions were simply to watch over him, and if he was gone from his body for more than three hours, call Catarina immediately.

As of this moment, he’d been gone for just over two hours.

“You still have time, Magnus,” Alec murmured softly, crouching down beside him. He was completely still, more so than when he was asleep. It was strange and something about it put a strange feeling in the pit of Alec’s stomach. But Magnus… Magnus was indomitable, and Alec had complete faith in that. “You’ve got time.”

Suddenly out of the corner of his eye, he saw a finger twitch. And then another one.

“Magnus?”

Slowly his body started to come back to life, like energy was rolling through him one limb at a time. His breathing became stronger, his chest rising higher and falling lower with each breath. His eyelids twitched one, twice, and then lifted to reveal unglamoured cat’s eyes.

“You’re back.” Alec hurried to move the candles aside so he could slide an arm beneath Magnus’ shoulders to help him sit up. “Are you okay? Did you find what you need?”

Magnus nodded lethargically, reaching up to hold Alec’s arm in a gesture of gratitude and affection.

Alec cradled him carefully, back to chest, and interlaced their fingers. “Do you need my strength? It’s yours, take it.”

“Mm,” Magnus groaned softly, shaking his head faintly. “’M all right, no need.” Looking down at his free hand, balled into a fist, he opened it slowly to reveal the bulb of a flower minus the stem. Its petals were the deepest black, and its stamens were deep red.

Alec exhaled slowly in relief, helping Magnus to his feet.

With a small flutter of Magnus’ fingers, the candle flames were extinguished and the candles banished from the floor. “I need to go complete the potion,” he explained, pressing his palm to Alec’s chest to steady himself.

“Woah, hang on, are you sure you’re ready to exert your magic again so soon?”

“I’ll be fine.” Even though his words were meant to be reassuring, his voice was still a bit weak. “Also… I have a gift for you.” Magnus reached inside his jacket and pulled out a second flower, identical to the one he was already holding. “I brought one for you too.”

“It’s beautiful, Magnus, but you didn’t have to—”

“It’s not just beautiful, Alexander,” Magnus smiled. “These are _f_ _los manifestationis_ —flowers of manifestation. They are for manifesting feelings, thoughts, dreams into something tangible that can be preserved for yourself or given to another. I wanted you to have one to use.” After depositing the flower into Alec’s hand and closing his fingers around it delicately, Magnus went into the apothecary and shut the door behind him, leaving Alec standing in the living room alone.

Looking down at the flower in his hand, he pondered Magnus’ words. If there were only one sliver of the past he could keep forever, what would it be? One abstract thought, one dream, one feeling…

It seemed likely that Magnus would be working for at least an hour, so Alec retreated to the bedroom to think.

After changing into night clothes, he sat cross legged on the bed and looked down at the flower laid out before him. He lightly ran his thumb along the edge of one of the petals; it was particularly soft and delicate, and he was frankly afraid of being responsible for something so fragile and valuable.

Maybe he would put a memory with Isabelle into the flower, one of the many times they spent together where he felt like for once he belonged, exactly the way he was. Maybe he would choose to harness the incredible sensation of strength he got from the parabatai bond in those few climactic seconds where he and Jace shared an adrenaline rush like a feedback loop. Maybe he would savor a memory of his much younger self, when he was still small enough for Maryse to hold him and run her fingers through his hair and tell him he was her beautiful boy who would become something extraordinary.

And then he thought of Magnus; all the things that had come to fruition within him following Magnus’ arrival.

He wanted to remember the first moment they laid eyes on each other, the first time he heard Magnus call him ‘Alexander,’ the first time their hands touched, the first time they shared a private touch, the first time they made love…the nights they spent whispering to one another in bed until three in the morning, the breakfasts in bed served with a new and beautiful flower and a kiss, the sensual baths where they shared reverent kisses and worshipful touches until the water went cold…the feeling of pride that would swell in his chest until he just couldn’t contain it any longer when Magnus would smile at him like he had personally hung the stars in the sky, the butterflies in his stomach that made him feel dangerously euphoric when Magnus called him pretty boy and meant it, the shiver that shot down his spine like electricity when Magnus tucked his hair behind his ear to find a place to kiss and drag his teeth playfully. He wanted to remember all of it.

The sound of footsteps drew Alec’s attention away from his introspection.

Magnus was standing in the doorway, tiredly trying to maneuver his way out of his jacket. As soon as he managed to free himself, he made it three steps before he flopped down onto the bed facedown beside Alec. “I am so utterly exhausted,” he groaned into the duvet.

Alec chuckled affectionately, lightly touching his palm to the back of Magnus’ head. “You’ve worked yourself ragged, I’m not surprised. I would say you deserve a vacation.”

“I’m taking tomorrow off,” Magnus replied, his voice further muffled when he sleepily mashed his face into the sheets before rolling over to look at Alec. “My magic has nearly fizzled out and it won’t be replenished in time to complete more arduous tasks for mostly ungrateful people.” With a grunt, he sat up and began peeling off the rest of his clothes down to his boxer briefs.

“Magnus…” Alec began, scooping up the _f_ _los manifestationis_ in his cupped hands to set it on the bedside table carefully, “if you were me, what would you do with the flower?”

Looking over his shoulder to meet Alec’s gaze, Magnus offered him a small smirk. “I would choose what my heart told me.” When Alec rolled his eyes, he sobered. “I don’t want to influence you, Alec. I brought you this so that you could do with it what you want, to use it as you see fit. I would be tremendously disappointed in myself if I affected your decision.”

“You’re entirely unhelpful.” Alec leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Magnus’ lips.

For days to weeks to months, he kept the flower in a little box in the dresser, waiting to use it until he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he knew what he wanted to do. And finally, it happened—between one second and the next, it became crystal clear what Alec wished to immortalize within the petals. Most importantly, though, it was a gift, meant for Magnus.

That evening, once the deed had been done, Alec tucked the bloom away inside his jacket for safekeeping while they went to dinner. Magnus had decided to whisk them away to Venice, to one of their favorite patisseries for highly decadent treats and then to a beautiful hotel with a view of the candlelit gondolas that went by.

“You look beautiful in the moonlight,” Magnus remarked to Alec, rubbing his thumb along the highlighted line of his jaw.

“You’re exceptionally biased,” Alec replied teasingly. He turned his head and pressed a kiss to Magnus’ palm. “And I love you.”

“As I love _you_ , Alexander.”

With his heart hammering in his chest, Alec reached inside his jacket and pulled out the box containing his flower. “I finally figured out what I wanted to use my flower of manifestation for. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, ever since you gave it to me, and I know now that this is right.” Without further ado, he offered Magnus the box.

His eyes were wide in surprise, and he put his hand over it carefully. He made no move to open it. “This is for you, Alec. It’s private and personal. You don’t need to share it with me.”

“Yes, I do. Because I made it for you. It’s what I want. Please.” Alec pressed it with more insistence against Magnus’ hand.

He still hesitated, but accepted the box and removed the flower cautiously.

“I realized what was most important to me,” Alec explained softly, “was for you to understand just how much I love you, how deeply you’ve affected and touched me. I never want you to doubt or forget that.”

A film of tears coated Magnus’ eyes, but he held them back as he looked at the flower that was pulsing slightly with the contents it held. Slowly, he reached for one of the petals, and when his finger touched it, his eyes closed with a gasp.

Alec knew exactly what he was feeling—that sensation that his heart would burst from his chest from happiness, the feeling of warmth flooding through his veins. Like a wave crashing down over him, Magnus would feel all that Alec had so carefully gathered and tucked away in his heart to treasure.

When Magnus’ eyes opened, the tears were falling freely, and he threw his arms around Alec to hold him tight. “Alexander, that’s the most wonderful gift you could give me.”

“Well, I took your advice,” Alec laughed against Magnus’ neck, “and let my heart lead me.” This would be another moment to savor and remember, and he didn’t want to miss a second of it.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://royaltybane.tumblr.com)


End file.
